Why I won’t cherish every moment with my children

I am truly thankful for my children; they have brought so much to our family that we are grateful for. I love them more than I realised I ever could – unconditionally. They make me a better person (most days) and I know they are a blessing but please, please stop reproaching me to cherish EVERY moment! These admonishments aren’t helpful for any parent who is in the middle of a ‘toddler wobble’, the kind advice you offer without invitation that ‘it’s just a phase, you still need to treasure them’ doesn’t make it any easier to live through.cherish every moment

There are times were I most certainly don’t want to and I won’t cherish the moment; I still love my children without question but in that moment, I don’t want to ‘treasure’ that time. In fact, quite often, in ‘that moment’, I’d like to be swallowed up by the world or anything else that will take me.

When your child is mid meltdown because they want a bobble in their hair instead of a hair band but you didn’t bring one with you, it feels like the whole word is judging you. The staring, the tuts, the muttered voices – I’M NOT RAISING THE DEVIL! My three year old is just testing her boundaries but I certainly won’t be looking back fondly on those episodes.

While I’m not looking to forget all of these moments, they certainly aren’t moments I dreamt I’d be cherishing for years to come. Yes, children do grow so quickly and sometimes it does feel as though you blink and you’ve missed something; however, understand that living in the here and now is just as important (if not more important) as looking back and not everything smells of roses.

Not every precious moment is going to be a picture-perfect one. There are times when my children were poorly but I will still cherish the extra snuggles that I received, the time they fell asleep on me for the first time in months, their warmth and their sweet smell. Some of the endless hours we were left awake during the night for various reasons will also be cherished. That was a part of them growing but, in amongst the exhaustion and ridiculously strong coffee, there are moments at 3am that there was a timeless tranquility; as if time itself had stopped and it was just my baby and me. Those are the moments I will appreciate, that I will look back on in years to come, that I will reminisce over when I’m old and grey.img_3195.jpg

As my children grow, I am clutching on to some of those little moments a little more as they come less frequently but I also know that there will be different moments to cherish; as they grow and new phases of their life begin new moments will develop. There are also going to be moments that I can never recreate, moments with family that will always make me well up – Benjamin was in my tummy here but never got the chance to meet his Great-Grandad but Isabella remembers him with great fondness; this moment will always be treasured.img_6791.jpg

I do love my children and I do treasure them but it most certainly is okay not to cherish every second. You are not a bad parent for wanting to climb to the top of a mountain and scream as loudly as you can. You are not a bad parent because you want five minutes peace and quiet in the middle of ‘one of those days’. It’s okay to want to forget some events as well and it’s certainly okay to choose which moments you will cherish.

What moments are some of your most cherished?

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Comments

  1. Jane Allen says:

    Kind of a rant but I honestly enjoyed reading it. Yes, there are times we just want to get to the top of the mountain and scream or just get away for a few minutes. It’s absolutely normal and I’m not going to feel guilty for doing so. It’s a given that we cannot cherish all the moments. Some of them are better forgotten.

    But, it’s all part of the growing process. Growth is a messy process. You just have to watch a hen hatch chicks to know this. Through the mess and stench, you find beautiful chicks come out. That’s the way of the world. We just have to learn to trudge along.

  2. Totally agree with this. We shouldn’t feel like we have to cherish every moment.

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